Gau during infamous E' Fest Autocross hell run;
seconds later, pedestrians were sent scattering
like mice in a 101 psychology lab!




This is a bit harder to explain, although Gau surely
would try.  This Start and Stop exercise took place
at the same E'Fest, but thankfully the crowds had
moved to higher ground.  This shot was evidently
taken with a telephoto lens of some sort.




View inside Callaway Turbo; those red wires
were a proud moment (ps- wires before burn up)




Shot of The Heart of the Beast - Click for FULL




73 Bavaria shell after sandblast / paint escapade




The dreaded BEFORE shot...Good Lord

SSR-002
Moves On...

      


UPDATE YEAR 2001 MARCH

Well, all good things must come to an end, or so said William Gau after he waved goodbye to his 2000 hours of mind numbing labor, the famed SSR-002, or Turbo Lunacy. Things seemed better on the surface; Gau did pocket a cool $4000 on the sale, but as he stood there, slack jawed, staring at his new found wealth, he realized he just came away with less than 35 cents to the dollar, not to mention the tremendous time and effort he put into this rolling hellhole. Had it really been four years? How was it possible for time to stand so still? Could the theory of relativity be playing cruel tricks? And why was Arizona this goddamn hot?

These were all pertinent questions winding there way through Gau's skull as Erik Aasland's hired trailer pulled the Fastest Bavaria On The Planet away at a paltry 10mph. Gau said, "Fuck it."

Later, the one and only Erik Aasland, being tortured next to a hippie commune, deep within the Smokies, responds after just a few short months of owning the one and only Gau Turbo Lunacy. His life will apparently never be the same. Here it is in his very own words, unedited, for all to see:

Well, Goddam! This kraut bucket is badass. It's much faster than my '74 Buick Century (400 small block, Holley 750, Hooker Headers, bench seats, highway gears baby!) This here silver bullit is kickass for carting local corn squeezin's around these here parts. The chicks dig it!! Now I'm a big hit with the ladies at my annual snake handling family reunion. Before, no one would sleep with me. Now all my cousins think I'm the bees knees. Y'all be good. I gotta go milk the goats before the old lady gets mad and hides my medicine.

Yeehaw,

Erik

...and so the story continues, but first, the beginning:


The Beginning

Here is what you fiends have been wondering about...William Gau's totally made from scratch 3.5 litre Callaway Turbo 1973 Bavaria nightmare on four wheels! This poor body started off as scrap on a trailer that Gau almost passed up...that is, until he realized that it was absolutely RUST FREE! After going around the body testing various areas, William knew he had to resurrect this poor metal shell.

Mr. Gau then lost complete control of his mental faculties when he decided to TOTALLY STRIP the 73 Bav to bare metal! That's right, my friends...Every wire, clip, patch of anything was taken off this beast in order to paint it Arctic (M3) Silver.

The engine? He knew ole Tom Van Gunten had a bored to 3.5 litre engine with lower compression pistons he was hoping to Supercharge... Around this time, Gau, with all his SSR sleaze-ball connections happened upon a Callaway Turbo made for a 6 Series... Light bulbs popping and brains a flogging, he knew he had to wrestle that project engine from ole Texas Tom in order to get this turbo project to life. Quite frankly, ole William felt a little underpowered since he was the HEAD of the SSR and only had poor Fritz hobbling on 5 cylinders. Now it was quite feasible that Mr. Gau could have THE ONLY TURBO CHARGED BAVARIA in the US! (For good reason...)

After dickering with ole Tom for a few months, William managed to win him over. Months of agony later, along with a 5-speed, fuel injection, and hi-po ignition, Gau has managed to put this contraption into something resembling the monster it will become.

Right now at this very moment (literally), he is toiling away trying to get this beast ready for the big O'Fest debut. As of the 14th of August, Turbo SSR-002 would not start and Gau was last seen hurling rocks at a stray mutant feline, cursing the moon, and fiddling with a brown wire. All prayers will be appreciated.....



UPDATE 1999: IT MOVES!

Well, Gau did finally make it to the famed E-Fest East with his Turbo Madness in tow (Although he failed to solve wiring demons before O'Fest 98).  I have chosen a few shots of  Sir William (above , but see credit below) behind the wheel of his potent Turbo Bavaria. Notice the apparent squat from the mashing affect Gau uses to enact forward momentum, momentum that was not leashed until all four tires were smoked like herring in a vacuum pack!  Rumors abound linking Gau to late night hell runs with unsuspecting E3 comrades along, not quite knowing whether to laugh or cry.   It is reported that neighbors have brought children and pets in under lock and key upon hearing the exhaust note of said turbo.

But these stories pale to the experience reported during the 2nd run of Gau's turbo at the Atlanta E Fest Autocross.  Evidently, Gau was coming through (literally) the last cones at such a pace, and with such abandon, that the crowd was forced to RUN FOR THEIR LIVES as if a Force 5 tornado was baring down on them!  The resulting four wheel drift, with smoke and noise that rivaled a bad day at Penn Station, was so great, cameras were dropped and video exposed, causing a complete lapse in the recording of the event!  It was a sad moment and a moment that will live in memory, if not in record.

Although Gau has only had the Turbo Lunacy in operation for not even a 1000 miles, he has managed to destroy three sets of high temp spark plug wires!  His driveshaft support has multiple cracks from 2nd gear burn outs and his wife has refused entry in a car that was supposed to be her "chariot."  Selah.

As of this late date, I have yet to ride in the famed SSR-002.  A trip is in store for the very near future, so you will be updated.  Hopefully, with a bit of luck, I might be let behind the wheel to report in a relatively objective manner just HOW INSANE this thing is! 

Maybe at that time I'll tell you about the Dodge Viper incident; for now, you'll just have to wait....

kh


SSR LIST MAIL
FROM AASLAND
POST TURBO LUNACY

Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2000 17:32:15 -0400
From: erik aasland <duckfat@ioa.com>
To: "gopostal@seniorsix.org"

Subject: .....explains a lot.....

Strangegau said....

" Yeah! Wassup peoples! Whoo!!! Rock and some roll! Turn on
the party machine! Awwwyyyeeeaaahhh!!! Bring 'em back to da phone! Ed-u-cate! Vic Tayback...REVENGE!!! Turn slowly for maximum vend! YES! Rock on down with the great taste of Twix! Yeah yeah yeah! The Rich Little of copy machines! Makin' me hungry just standing in it! Whoo-wah-eeeuuuhhh!!!! Say it with tacos! Grrr-uhhn-owwwhlll!!! Mourning Zoo baby! Easy cheesin'!!! Lopti Neck! Grrrrr-aaalllpppp!!! Stop messin' wit mah head! Curly weenie!!! Catch a whiff!!! Ride the snake!!"

I now understand what instigated this emission / rant from our spiritual leader. Having just (1:00 pm EST) taken delivery of another of Dr. Gau's driveway castoffs I can identify with the above.

Goddamn this thing is brutally fast. I hope he sends the instruction manual before I break anything.

Time to make the donuts,
Time to change my shorts.

Erik

Haven't meet Sir William? GO see
Bavaria Owner: William Gau - Medication Needed

Also, be sure to take in the horror...Visit:
Horror IM Conversation with Mr. Gau